*Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. I only recommend products I personally love and will always provide my honest opinion. If you purchase a product using my affiliate link, it will be at no additional cost to you and I will earn a small commission.
—
Making friends as an introvert is so much easier when you’re young. Whether in school or at university, you’re around people your age all day long. If you’re surrounded by a decent group, you’re bound to find a friend after a while.
For some reason, no one tells you how difficult it gets to find new friends after graduation. Especially for an introvert who’s moving away for work!
When I moved to France for my first job, I was totally unprepared for that. I got along quite well with some colleagues, but I really, really missed hanging out with people on the weekends.
Unless you’re the type of person who socialises quickly, making new friends as an introverted adult is not that easy.
Based on my own experience and other people’s tips that I’ve tried, I want to talk about a couple of ways to make friends as an introvert, even if you don’t know anyone at all.
See making friends as a goal
If you want to make new friends as an introvert, you have to acknowledge that it probably won’t happen all by itself. There are people who seem to just walk through life and make friends in every possible situation. But as an introvert, you’re probably not one of them.
There’s no use to just sit at home and wait for people to magically appear on your doorstep. It won’t happen – and if it does, it’s probably just the postman.
Instead, see it as another goal. If you set the long-term goal to make friends as an introvert, you can work on actually making it happen. And let me tell you, you’re much more likely to meet new people if you’re actively looking for them, rather than hiding out in your comfort zone!
Join local clubs
Joining a local club really is the easiest way to make friends as an introverted adult. After surviving the initial anxiety about not knowing anyone, it’s a great way to meet kindred spirits. The important thing is to carefully choose the club you join!
If you’re not the best at sports (like me), chances are you won’t feel quite comfortable during classes. I’ve done yoga classes for two years, and I barely ever talked to anyone. I was just too self-conscious about my yoga skills!
Even if this doesn’t seem logical, the rule still applies: the less comfortable you feel, the less likely you are to actually make new friends as an introvert.
Instead, join clubs you’ll feel at ease in. I joined two different ones last year: a photography club and a German conversation group. So far I’m loving both, and I’m much more social in them than I ever was in my yoga classes.
Participating in an activity you’re passionate about increases the chance of meeting like-minded people. It’s so much easier to make connections with strangers who have the same interests as you!
Get out of your comfort zone to make friends as an introvert
As an introvert, you probably hate talking to strangers. But if you want to meet new people, you’ll have to get out of your comfort zone!
If you hear about local events or activities that will require social interaction, just go. Even if you feel really awkward, even if you’re tired from work, and even if you don’t feel like it. I’m pretty sure that every town has some sort of activities: you just have to find them!
Last year, I got invited to a language café in my town (by a member of my German conversation group!). Once a week, a bunch of people meet in a bar and speak different languages. At first, it sounded pretty geeky to me. For some reason, I imagined a bunch of seniors sitting there and speaking German… But I forced myself to go there anyway.
I joined a table of people I’d never seen before in my life (so awkward!) and spent 2 hours speaking English to complete strangers. As it turns out, most participants are my age, there are tons of people, and the whole concept is super fun!
This just shows that you can never know in advance how something will turn out. The only thing you can do is try. So if you want to make new friends as an introvert, get out of your comfort zone and participate in an activity!
Shift your mindset
Social events can be very uncomfortable for introverts. I’ve you’re anything like me, you’re probably freaking out in advance, thinking that you won’t have anything to say to the people there.
One tip from Susan Cain that I really liked was the following: Instead of worrying about what to say, ask yourself how you can make the people around you comfortable.
You don’t have to seem overly outgoing to make new friends as an adult. Just be your own, kind, introverted self and focus on other people. After all, it’s so much nicer to talk to someone who actually listens, rather than someone who’s worrying about what to say next!
Don’t be afraid to make plans
Talking to people during events or activities is all nice and fun. But if you want them to become potential friends, you have to make plans of your own!
As an introvert, the thought of making plans with someone you barely know might freak you out a little. What if that makes the whole situation awkward? But the thing is, it’s always better to fail than to not try at all. Even in this situation.
Instead of inviting people to your house right away, start small and suggest grabbing a quick drink after an event. In my experience, it’s the easiest way to make plans with people you don’t know too well, and it requires minimum effort from both sides. And if it’s fun, the rest will probably play out on its own!
Here you go, these are my tips on how to make new friends as an introverted adult. What is your experience with that? Do you find it hard to make new friends as well? Please let me know in the comments! And don’t forget to share this post with other introverts. 🙂
Making plans is a great idea! Or even following up after an event or something like that. I love when people I just met message me after an event, and the conversation just flows.
And the part about getting out of our comfort zone is something I want to practice more often. It’s great how well it turned out for you 🙂
You’re right, that’s great as well! It’s a good way to keep in contact with people who might potentially become friends. 🙂
I can certify that all of your points do work! I especially love the ‘join local clubs’ tip as that’s what I did: at the start of the year, I actively went to look for a local blogging community, found it and have now made new friends who share the same interests as me. We occasionally meet up for events and most importantly we support each other in blogging.
That’s so cool! I haven’t had the courage yet to look for a local blogging community since I haven’t told anyone about my blog… It does sound like a great way to make the whole experience less solitary. 🙂
Great tips! It’s so hard to make friends as an adult I will be using these!
I’m glad that you liked them! 🙂
I´m definitely an introvert and I can´t help but cringe at the idea of trying to make new friends but I also do love spending weekends with my friends so I can only imagine how much I would miss social life if I had to move, as you did.
The strategies you came up with sound like something even I could try!
I’m the same, I’d much rather spend time with friends I already have, but they’re too far away now. 🙁 It’s also really interesting to meet new people though, especially in small groups.
I loved your tips. For some making friends is easy and natural but for others it requires a lot and I love the fact that for introverted people making friends is getting out their comfort zone. Thanks for sharing
I’m glad that you liked the tips. 🙂
I’m such an introvert, and it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I just can’t seem to get outside my own social anxiety enough to talk to people and actually strike up a connection. My partner, on the other hand, has no problems making friends – although they tend to be his work colleagues and only that.
These tips are so helpful – thank you so much.
– Nyxie
http://www.nyxiesnook.com
Hi Nyxie, I’m the same actually! I feel like I need less and less (superficial) social interaction as I get older, which is why I love working from home so much. Hanging out with colleagues doesn’t replace meaningful conversations for me at all… Anyway, I’m glad that you found the tips helpful! 🙂
I love this! And thank you for illuminating and validating something that people just don’t talk about. It’s so interesting that we’re supposed to just be fully networked and connected to people- but really there aren’t a ton of opportunities to do so if you’re not super outgoing. I think a lot about those dating apps- I want one just to make friends!
That would actually be so great! I wonder why that doesn’t exist yet. I feel like people generally acknowledge how hard it is to find a partner, but not how hard it is to make actual friends, especially as an introvert.
I struggle so hard with this and always have. I never know what to say but I feel like I have to say something and then it gets super awkward! The worst part? I’m 40 and it only seems to get harder, not easier. Thanks for these tips, you’ve given me a whole new way to think about it.
I feel like part of the reason why it gets harder is that you don’t have as many common topics to talk about with people. Like, in school, all you had to do was talk about school or some teacher you didn’t like. For me, that really helped fill the blanks when I couldn’t think of anything else to say. One thing that helps now is to ask questions to get the other person talking.
These are great tips! I’ve struggled with social anxiety about 30 years and it is still agonizing for me to try and strike up a conversation with someone. One thing I’ve realized though is that you can get someone to befriend you if you just ask questions about them and listen!
Yes, that’s so true! I love just asking people questions and hearing their stories.
Great article! Yes, making friends takes work when you’re an introvert. But then the friendships we make can be so much more meaningful ❤
These tips are really helpful.
That’s true! I’m glad that you found the tips helpful. 🙂
I live in the middle of nowhere. The few friends I have live in different states or stay so busy that I barely ever see them. I feel lonely so much. My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck most of the time and I would have to drive over an hour for the nearest club or class for anyone over 19. I don’t have the time or money for that, unfortunately. We tried to throw a Halloween party and only my brother came out of everyone we invited. I guess I’m stuck being lonely.
Hi Scarlett, I’m sorry that your Halloween party didn’t work out. My friends live all over the world as well, so I get how hard it is to see them at all… Do you maybe have people you work with? Or neighbours that you could invite? Or is there any activity where you live, even something that might not interest you that much but that you could join? I’m thinking that maybe if you’re struggling with socialising where you live, maybe other people who live there have the same problem.
Like!! I blog frequently and I really thank you for your content. The article has truly peaked my interest.