Do you know that feeling when you should be happy but there is something wrong in an otherwise perfect picture?
I was there when writing this post, when I just had given birth to my first baby (don’t ask why it took me a year to edit and publish it). After having my son, I was over the moon to finally be a family. To have such a sweet little boy to take care of. And yet, the damage childbirth did to my mind and body was something I couldn’t get over, especially since I felt like it wasn’t going to get better. Between postpartum anxiety, tearing and the return of my IBS, I was quite a mess.
I was going back and forth between being so excited and wondering if I’ll ever be able to lead a normal life again. Between wanting to give myself time to recover and agonising over the fact that I wasn’t there yet.
The thing is, no matter what difficult situation we’re in, we tend to focus on the negative so much that we fail to enjoy all the positive things we have. And today I wanted to share how I got through this difficult period of my life.
1. Remember all that’s good
Almost every situation has a silver lining. Sometimes it’s difficult to spot. Sometimes it’s right there in plain sight.
In my case, the positive side of the situation was so big that I’m wondering why I even focused on the negative (human psychology is weird).
I had hoped to get pregnant for so long. Now I had a baby. I needed to remind myself that I wouldn’t want it any other way. Postpartum is hard, but it doesn’t take away from the wonder of finally being a mom.
Whenever you find yourself spiralling over something bad, you need to try focusing your attention on the good things instead. Whether it’s your health, family, job, security, social status or whatever it is you have going for you: be grateful for it, because not everyone is as lucky as you in that department!
If you’re interested, I’ve written a post about things to be grateful for to give you some inspiration. Gratitude can definitely help you get through hard times.
2. Get rid of regret
Whenever something bad happens to us, we tend to regret the decisions that lead up to it.
In my case, it was my decision to have a vaginal birth. To get an epidural. To give birth in a hospital instead of a private clinic with a better postpartum care system.
However, regrets are kind of useless. And they definitely
Regrets are pointless since you can’t change the past. And maybe you did choose the best possible option and just don’t know it. Maybe this tough experience will lead you exactly where you need to go.
In my case, I ended up going over my delivery experience with a nurse afterwards and was told that from their point of view, everything went as quite well. And I was indeed fine three months later (although a little scarred).
In any case, you can’t go back and change what already happened, but you can focus on making the present and future better!
3. Put things into perspective
Another thing I always do when I’m going through a tough time is wondering why other people are so lucky. But that’s not the reality of things.
Sure, not everyone struggles with a negative postpartum experience. But I have a healthy child, and many don’t get that. I have a partner who was there for me and our son, but so many women go through postpartum without such amazing support.
And then there’s people who have health problems that are far worse than mine. It doesn’t mean that my struggles aren’t valid. However, it does help me to put things into perspective sometimes.
Yes, your situation might suck, but it’s probably not the end of the world. And you’ll get through it, no matter what.
4. Believe that things will get better
When you’re at your worst, it’s difficult to imagine that things will get better one day. But here’s the thing: only if you believe in a brighter future can you actually work on it!
Like I said in the beginning, I was feeling frustrated with my recovery, so I made sure to do physical therapy after birth. And low and behold, I didn’t even need to do all the sessions I had booked in advance!
I was struggling with postpartum anxiety, too, but that thankfully sorted itself out once my hormones calmed down. But I would have seen someone for it if it didn’t. And it did go to my doctor about my newly returned IBS to see what medication I could temporarily take until it calmed down.
In the end, the least we can do is to not give up on ourselves, no matter what happens.
And if you believe in the law of attraction, manifesting for things to get better will actually make that happen!
5. Communicate with and rely on loved ones
Lastly, whenever you’re going through hard times, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s difficult. Even though you’re focusing on the good and staying positive, it doesn’t mean that everything’s alright.
The best advice I can give is to rely on your support system. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. To need help. That’s what friends and family are for!
I’d love to know how you deal with difficult times in your life? Please tell me in the comments and don’t forget to share this post on social media if you liked it!