How to be in charge of your own happiness

in charge of your own happiness

Did you ever feel like your happiness depended on someone else’s actions? Maybe you were desperately waiting for your boss to finally give you a promotion. Maybe you were counting on your partner to find that perfect gift for your birthday. Or maybe you just noticed how someone who was going through a bad period would take you right down with them.

Putting your happiness in someone else’s hands is not fun. If they do X, you’ll be in a great mood. If they do Y, they’ll probably ruin your day. In the meantime, all you can do is sit around and wait.

Doesn’t this feel wrong? It’s your life, after all. Shouldn’t you be the one in charge of your own happiness?

Well, I do believe that you should. Moreover, I actually think that no one else is better suited for the job!

No one else is you, so you must be in charge of your happiness

Isn’t it great that we’re all unique and no two people in the world are exactly the same? Most of us probably think it is.

But while we theoretically know that we’re all different, we tend to forget what this actually means in everyday life.

Each of us grew up to have our own values, habits, and needs. Therefore, what is right for us might not be right for everyone else, and vice versa.

Sure, a lot of of values are shared by others, and we might have even more in common with people close to us. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re not us!

Do you see where I’m going with this? If no one thinks exactly how we do, no one can figure out how exactly they can make us happy. We ourselves are best suited to be in charge of our own happiness.

So instead of having unrealistic expectations about what others should do for you, ask yourself: what can I do for myself and them?

Take action instead of waiting around. Not only will you never feel helpless when someone fails to give you what you need, but you’ll start appreciating other people’s efforts more if your happiness doesn’t depend on them!

Ask for the things you want to create your own happiness

Have you ever noticed how most of your thoughts revolve around you? I mean, you are you, so that’s kind of normal. But it also means that everyone else spends most of their day focusing on themselves, too. Them, not you.

Your boss doesn’t necessarily think about the fact that you might eventually want a promotion, even if they would totally agree that you deserve one.

Your partner might not notice your implicit insinuations about that gift you’d like for your birthday even if he or she is desperately searching for something to get you.

The truth is that no one will ever know what you want as well as you. Sometimes they can guess, sometimes they are left wondering. But in any case, the best way to get exactly what you want is to ask for it. Only then can you create your own happiness.

Ask your boss for that promotion that you deserve (and if you don’t get it, look for a better job!). Ask your partner for that gift. Tell people what you expect of them, instead of hoping that they will somehow figure it out on their own.

Asking for what you want drastically increases the chance of getting it. You want to be in charge of your own happiness, so just do it!

Focus on what you can control to stop being unhappy

Relying on other people to make you happy is risky. First of all, everyone has their own life, and you shouldn’t expect anyone’s life to revolve around you.

Second of all, all of us have many different roles: we’re our parent’s children, our husband’s or wife’s partner, our children’s parent, our bosses’ employee, etc. With all these roles come different responsibilities that all need to be accommodated within 24 hours a day.

The one person who can best accommodate your needs is you. You know what you want, and you have the power to get it. So why not be in charge of your own happiness?

Relying on yourself to make your dreams come true not only makes you a much more positive person, but it also gives you a sense of control over your own destiny. You will no longer blame others for your misfortune, nor will you wait for someone to give you an opportunity.

Instead, you can finally take matters into your own hands and work towards your goals. You’re the one creating your future, creating your own happiness. Anything you want can actually happen!

Don’t try to pour from an empty cup

We’ve talked about why you’re the best candidate to be in charge of your own happiness. But there’s more!

You know the feeling when everyone is expecting something from you, and you’re constantly running around and trying to make others happy?

Well, people probably won’t tell you to slow down and take a break. Not because they don’t care about you, but because they simply don’t know how you feel. It’s up to you to decide what you can give, and when you need to take a break and take care of yourself.

Self-care is not selfish: instead, it gives you the opportunity to recharge and gain more energy that you can then pass on the everyone around you.

Being in charge of your own happiness means that if someone close to you is going through a bad time, they won’t take you down with them. Instead, you will have the force to lift them up.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, so be sure to refill yours whenever you need it!

And the positive thing about it? You’ll stop draining energy from others, and your relationships will be much healthier and balanced!

How to be in charge of your own happiness

So what do you think? Do you agree that it’s so much easier to create your own happiness when you rely on yourself to get what you want? Please let me know in the comments below!

19 Replies to “How to be in charge of your own happiness”

  1. Wow! These are all some excellent suggestions! I am fully engaging in each of these daily, so I appreciate any mindset boost that I can get. Thanks!

    1. I’m glad that you liked them. 🙂

  2. Wonderfully written!

    1. Thank you 🙂

  3. I think we do spend too much time waiting for outside influences to make us happy when actually we can control our happiness ourself and this will impact on those around us as well.

    Happiness really is so important. Great post

    1. So true! And thank you. 🙂

  4. We spend so much time looking for happiness where we are never going to find it. Something I have learned recently is that happiness, true happiness, comes from within us all.

    Wonderful post.

    – Nyxie

    1. Absolutely. It took me a long time to learn that and it has made such a difference in my life.

  5. I wish I had read this twenty years ago, although may not have resonated at that age. Maturing and life experiences helped me figure things out. So true, we create our own happiness from within. Great post.

    1. I always wish I understood these things earlier as well, but maybe it takes some life experience to figure this out. At least for me, it did. I needed to learn firsthand that external validation does not bring true happiness before understanding what it means that happiness comes from within.

  6. Happiness is sometimes hard to get but if you believe in yourselves then it wont be that hard.really a great article keep up the good work.

    1. Thank you. 🙂

  7. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the expectations that you hold for other people but you’re 100% right. No one can expect anyone else to do things or be responsible for their happiness. This has to come from within. Great post!

    1. I’m glad that you liked it! 🙂

  8. This is a wonderful article. The sad fact is we are not taught to celebrate and embrace our uniqueness. As women, I feel that we spend all our time looking after other people and put ourselves last. Learning and accepting that we cannot change anyone but ourselves is a freeing concept. We are in charge of our own happiness.

    1. I could honestly not agree more! Instead of embracing our uniqueness, we are often taught to conform to an ideal in our society. It’s important to just focus on finding a place where you can be happy and care too much about what you’re “supposed” to do.

  9. I agree with you that we’re the only person in charge of our happiness. I especially love what you said about asking for what we want, instead of expecting someone to read our mind. That’s so important and often overlooked.

    1. I’m glad that you liked it! Yes, asking for what you want should be so simple but we’re often not used to it!

  10. Love love love this! I’m a huge believer in writing my feelings down – tearing up the paper – and throwing it away. Thank you for sharing some great tips!

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